Breaking the language barrier

In writing our ceremony, Mr. Schnitzel and I have been working on getting the whole thing to be meaningful to us without being overly wordy. Why? Why not overly wordy? I mean, isn’t the ceremony about the words you speak, the promises you make?

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Yes, yes and yes. But here’s the thing – we do not share a common native language. We speak German with each other, and that works wonderfully. But, of course, although my German has much improved over the years, it isn’t perfect. I can’t always express what I want to say as well as I maybe could have in English.

How does this affect our relationship communication? Really? not at all. At least not in my opinion. Well, actually, I take that back. I actually think this IMPROVES our communication. Because we do not dwell on the nitty gritty wording. We laugh at my language errors, and I sigh with frustration when we can’t find the right German translation for an English word that I am thinking of.

As you may have noticed, I really like to write. I also love to read. Mr. Schnitzel doesn’t do either of these things – it sounds so silly but at some point in college I actually told someone that I refuse to date anyone who doesn’t read books regularly. Gosh, that sounds so egotistical and silly. Of course we are both intelligent people interested in all kinds of things, but that’s only a part of who we are.

Our relationship is not based on intellectual banter. Sure we have interesting debates about everything from politics to religion (gosh, if you know me, you know that I love to debate) but that is by no means the basis of our relationship. We communicate in our daily gestures, our smiles and routines and hugs and handholding. And this crosses not only language barriers, but cultures.

So for our ceremony, we will say some meaningful words. I will be reciting my vows in English, and he in German. But for us, it’s not really about that. It’s going to be about that moment, and looking into each other’s eyes and into the faces of our dearest friends and family and feeling married, and embracing that. Nothing we write, no matter how eloquent, will replace that.

10 differences between German and American Weddings

10 differences (according to me!) between German and American weddings

Keep in mind that I am not judging and that I am only basing this on experience :) Just a few observations I have made...

1) Decorations

American
Planned completely, including deco in the bathroom and homemade toothpicks for cocktails all in our color scheme

German
Let the venue do the usual

2) Food

American
Meet with various caterers, taste menus, chat chat chat

German
Let the venue do the usual - we'll take a look at the menu

3) Drinks

American
Signature cocktails, wine with dinner, perhaps a champagne toast

German
Coffee following the ceremony, unlimited wine and beer with and after dinner (of course!) and then many round of schnapps, as well as prosecco served with the cake (late)

4) Timeline

American
Ceremony followed by cocktail hour and then reception with meal and dancing until 11pm

German
Ceremony in the late morning followed by prosecco toast, followed by coffee and cake, a little break and then appetizer, an hour later the soup, and then the main course (it is already 11pm), followed by lots of dancing, dessert table opens at 1, band stops around 1:30, dancing and drinking continues to 5am

5) Invitations

American
Save the dates followed by formal invitations package including response card and/or other details like custom map or detail card

German
Informal invitation handed to your at next meet up – usually with a line printed on it like “guess what – we’re finally tying the knot! (and you thought it would never happen, didn't you...?)” no formal RSVP

6) Registry

American
Zillions of registries, zillions of options – everything from Target to Bloomingdales - you pick three (probably target, C&B and Bloomingdales)

German
Well.. you can still make an appointment like in the “olden days” at the local department store – they will set up a sample table in the back of the store for your guests to come look at… But really, everyone just gives you cash folded origami-style into various scenes (at the beach, house, children’s room…)

7) Planning

American
Every minute is planned, including arrival of guests, greeters, speeches, activities – the planning process is a long and exhausting but ultimately rewarding one.

German
The venue is set, the time is set – let the party begin! Our friends will surprise us with various games and gags – I may have to remove my shoes and use them to answer quiz questions, or I may even be kidnapped – who knows! My own wedding is a surprise.

8) Ceremony

American
However you want it to be, but usually with bridesmaids and groomsmen in fancy matching outfits, heartfelt vows while facing the audience, creative music and a happy flower petaled exit, lots of tears

German
Actually, you get married on the day before – in the eyes of the law anyways. The church ceremony is really just for show, that is… if you are even a member. If you aren’t, you’ll have to find a “wedding speaker” to throw you an alternative wedding ceremony that doesn’t involve okaying how your name is spelled on the marriage certificate and signing on the dotted line. Oh, and it's just the two of you and your MOH and Best Man... and you have your back to the "audience"...

9) Rings

American
Diamond engagement ring, for sure, worn on the left hand – and then whatever the couple picks out as wedding bands, also worn on the left hand

German
No engagement ring OR engagement rings for both man and woman – worn on right hand, just like the wedding bands (usually if the pair buys engagement bands, they just use those as their wedding bands)

10) Partying

American
The actual wedding reception is a joyous time, but everyone (tries) to behave like adults

German
The reception is a party! There will be rounds of schnapps and funny dancing galore – it goes until at least 4am

the first "sparks"

The last week has been a relaxing one, the first in about a month and a half since our trip to the US and my parents visiting. Not that I didn't enjoy all that tremendously, but it's awful nice to just come home from work and relax at home, or do the laundry, or run errands. The weekend weather was gorgeous, so we soaked up all that sunny Munich has to offer, visiting biergartens, grilling by the Isar river and going to the public pool on sunday, topping it all off with Schnitzel in yet another biergarten. It's too bad, in fact, that such a picture perfect weekend had to end in my very first wedding planning fight.

I won't go into details in such a public forum but suffice it to say it had to do with the guest list and numbers and the fact that I am inviting so many friends and it was a very turmoiled 11pm on a sunday night phone call. I mean… I am one of those people who invites 45 people to my birthday party. I just like to be surrounded by people I love. Lots of them. But really I never considered that my guest list, "gigantic". I mean, it's all relative and I guess certain relatives of mine had tiny backyard weddings, and that's not exactly what this will be. But there will most certainly not be 500 people milling about. Not even 1/5 of that…

It turns out that the "problem" had a lot to do with feeling overwhelmed about the number of German guests who will be coming. Like the whole thing will become a wholly Germanized German speaking event. Of course, that's one of my biggest goals: make sure that everyone there, regardless of language or nationality, feels welcome and can follow what's going on! It'll be a challenge, sure, but actually I think that once everyone is there it will all mesh just fine. Plus, all my German friends speak English anyways, so communication shouldn't be a problem at all.

At any rate, I do hope that the rest of this planning process is relatively Sunday-night-argument-free or very argument free in general. I think just because the TV shows show feuding families and disagreements, doesn't mean that it has to be like that. What do you think?

The Ring

No, not the horror movie! As I've been flitting around happily announcing my engagement to everyone who will listen, I have, of course, been showing off my ring! Several times, people have asked me: do they not do diamonds in Germany? Hm… yes, my engagement ring is a plain silver band (with amazing romantic engraving inside). But to tell you the truth, I didn't know that it was such a "must" for an engagement ring to have a diamond on it? What I do know is that engagement rings are not all that popular in Germany. In fact, the Wikipedia article in the German Wiki links back up to the American article about engagement rings.

Talking to many people, I found that engagement rings aren't as wide spread as I am lead to believe. My mother, for example, got an engagement couch. All of the German couples I know have no engagement ring.

The boy has watched enough American movies to know what a good old fashion proposal looks like, so I think he wanted to fit that scenario, but with his own twist. I really like the engraving on my ring – it's the expression of love is on the inside, private, for us, instead of being on the outside in the form of a diamond. The engraving is, by the way, the password for my new engagement laptop – my boy sure loves electronics. And another big plus to marrying a web programmer – free awesome wedding website! Coming soon…

The other big question we have is: which hand?! In Germany, the rule seems to be engagement ring on the left, switch it over to the right for the wedding. What is the US "rule"? I haven't decided where I'll wear my wedding ring – any help out there?

What do the readers out there think about engagement rings? A necessity? Diamonds necessary?