10 differences between German and American Weddings

10 differences (according to me!) between German and American weddings

Keep in mind that I am not judging and that I am only basing this on experience :) Just a few observations I have made...

1) Decorations

American
Planned completely, including deco in the bathroom and homemade toothpicks for cocktails all in our color scheme

German
Let the venue do the usual

2) Food

American
Meet with various caterers, taste menus, chat chat chat

German
Let the venue do the usual - we'll take a look at the menu

3) Drinks

American
Signature cocktails, wine with dinner, perhaps a champagne toast

German
Coffee following the ceremony, unlimited wine and beer with and after dinner (of course!) and then many round of schnapps, as well as prosecco served with the cake (late)

4) Timeline

American
Ceremony followed by cocktail hour and then reception with meal and dancing until 11pm

German
Ceremony in the late morning followed by prosecco toast, followed by coffee and cake, a little break and then appetizer, an hour later the soup, and then the main course (it is already 11pm), followed by lots of dancing, dessert table opens at 1, band stops around 1:30, dancing and drinking continues to 5am

5) Invitations

American
Save the dates followed by formal invitations package including response card and/or other details like custom map or detail card

German
Informal invitation handed to your at next meet up – usually with a line printed on it like “guess what – we’re finally tying the knot! (and you thought it would never happen, didn't you...?)” no formal RSVP

6) Registry

American
Zillions of registries, zillions of options – everything from Target to Bloomingdales - you pick three (probably target, C&B and Bloomingdales)

German
Well.. you can still make an appointment like in the “olden days” at the local department store – they will set up a sample table in the back of the store for your guests to come look at… But really, everyone just gives you cash folded origami-style into various scenes (at the beach, house, children’s room…)

7) Planning

American
Every minute is planned, including arrival of guests, greeters, speeches, activities – the planning process is a long and exhausting but ultimately rewarding one.

German
The venue is set, the time is set – let the party begin! Our friends will surprise us with various games and gags – I may have to remove my shoes and use them to answer quiz questions, or I may even be kidnapped – who knows! My own wedding is a surprise.

8) Ceremony

American
However you want it to be, but usually with bridesmaids and groomsmen in fancy matching outfits, heartfelt vows while facing the audience, creative music and a happy flower petaled exit, lots of tears

German
Actually, you get married on the day before – in the eyes of the law anyways. The church ceremony is really just for show, that is… if you are even a member. If you aren’t, you’ll have to find a “wedding speaker” to throw you an alternative wedding ceremony that doesn’t involve okaying how your name is spelled on the marriage certificate and signing on the dotted line. Oh, and it's just the two of you and your MOH and Best Man... and you have your back to the "audience"...

9) Rings

American
Diamond engagement ring, for sure, worn on the left hand – and then whatever the couple picks out as wedding bands, also worn on the left hand

German
No engagement ring OR engagement rings for both man and woman – worn on right hand, just like the wedding bands (usually if the pair buys engagement bands, they just use those as their wedding bands)

10) Partying

American
The actual wedding reception is a joyous time, but everyone (tries) to behave like adults

German
The reception is a party! There will be rounds of schnapps and funny dancing galore – it goes until at least 4am

German Traditions- a Bavarian "farmer's" wedding

I wrote about the meeting with our venue director last weekend and mentioned how funny and animated Michael was. He told us all kinds of stories about other weddings they've hosted: Hungarian ones, Russian ones, "modern" ones, and of course, the traditional Bavarian "open" weddings.

As Michael explained, traditionally, when one farmer's son marries another farmer's daughter from the same region, there are no fancy invitations. In fact, all the happy couple needs to do is tack up a poster in the town square. These kind of weddings are "open" - anyone and everyone is invited, there are no formal invitations. Generally, the ceremony takes place at the town church - which, in Bavaria, is almost always catholic. Then, the whole wedding group parades through town with music and celebration, until reaching the party location.

Michael has hosted many such weddings. He described them as being "a lot of fun" - all guests don traditional outfits and the festivities start with coffee and cake. That's right, cake BEFORE dinner.

The festivities then continue with the traditional speeches and dancing, and at some point during the evening, the bride is "stolen" by her friends, who take her to a neighboring bar. When the groom and best man notice (which we hope they do rather quickly!) they have to go find her, and when they do, the groom must pay the bill for the drinks they consumed at the bar. Sometimes, he must also perform "tasks" like naming the ten reasons that he loves her, or kneeling in front of her, etc... 

Here are some pictures from various Bavarian weddings for your enjoyment. Source

the traditional Bavarian band

a couple in traditional dress

traditional Bavarian wedding soup - we will probably have this too (yum yum)

this is a video of the beginning of a "Brautstehlen" (bride stealing) - you can see how she is accompanied by a Bavarian band and is being lead away. The job of the groom is to find her and reclaim her.

We are still deciding which traditions (american/polish/german/bavarian) we want to incorperate, but in the mean time we are "investigating" what different traditions are out there - what regional and cultural traditions did you incorperate into your wedding?

Yet another crazy German tradition..

Here's yet another crazy German tradition. This is from a wedding I attended and I'm sure there are many variations on this theme. Basically, at German weddings,

the friends of the Bride and Groom plan (secretly) all manner of surprises for the couple such as a "wedding newspaper" (I'll cover that one in another post), various games, Guestbook Frame Photos, a quiz, etc.

This one made me laugh SO hard and people had SO much fun that I would love it if my friends recreated this one for the wedding (hint hint). I think that a lot of Americans would have trouble with this as it's a bit messy, a bit "not so classy", and in general, I don't know a lot of American Brides who would be comfortable not knowing exactly what is going to go on at their reception. But I think it says something about German wedding planning, for although the Deutsche are renown for being thorough in their planning, they do leave some things up to spontaneity! In my experience, the attitude is more "provide good food, good music, and plenty of drink, and we'll see what develops!"

So the friends grabbed the groom. He had to stand behind a sheet that was rigged up behind a table, and stick his head and arms through separate holes. He got a baseball cap put on

his head, and his arms served as his feet and they even got little shoes. The sheet had a body drawn on it, sheet had clothing attached to it and his bride had to come up behind him and stick her arms through the sheet ? they were his arms! It looked so funny just like that that I was already nearly in tears. Then, they had to "reinact" a day in the life of being married. A friend stood behind them with a guitar and strummed a rhythm while a story was told about his day (he got up, brushed his teeth, shaved, ate breakfast, washed his face etc etc..). For each event, the bride got something put into her hands ? "shaving cream and a razor" (whipped cream and a piece of blunt plastic), water for him to drink, etc, and she had to perform the task described. Of course, she could not see anything, so he ended up getting pretty messy! It was so funny and, of course, at the end the groom simply toweled off his face and he looked good as new! (we would, of course, never do this to a bride!!)

So there you have it! another completely "unique" German tradition. What do you think? Would you do it?

Love is in the air...

Since I am still waiting to meet with a potential photographer this afternoon, I will regale you with yet another neat German wedding tradition: the helium balloon/postcard send-off.

This is a fun, photogenic, and touching action that extends the excitement of the wedding for weeks to follow. The concept is simple:

1) Each wedding guest/couple gets a postcard which is already addressed to the happy couple and stamped. There is also a note/sticker on the postcard that says "if you find me, please toss me in a mailbox". You can also include a space for senders to note their location before they toss it in, so you can find out where the balloons made it to!

2) Guests fill out the postcards by either writing happy wedding wishes or by "promising" the pair something special in the future, like a game night, a dinner invite, something like that.

3) Postcards are hole-punched and affixed to helium balloons (heart-shaped ones look especially nice)

4) All wedding guests release balloons at once. Picture opportunities abound.

5) The newlyweds enjoy receiving lovely wishes in the mail from their guests over the next weeks.

Now I know this isn't strictly environmentally friendly. I wouldn't recommend doing it if you're on the beach, since fish and other marine life can choke and die from popped balloons. But it is a lovely, beautiful event and the two weddings where I experienced it, the couple received over half the postcards back! Some of them had made it a hundred kilometers or so! Amazing, eh?

DIY Guestbook gilded frames, Part II – German wedding ideas

So this is part II of my collection of German wedding ideas, and this is one I love and have seen at a bunch of weddings here.

1) Take an antique frame (perhaps from a garage sale or your own attic) with lots of curlicues and embellishments - and remove the backing, leaving only the frame.

2) Spray-paint it gold (or silver, or whatever color you wish).

3) Then, take a picture of each guest/group of guests in the frame, having them write their entry in the guest book and later glue the picture to the page.

I have found that giving people any sort of prop makes them less stiff when it comes to photo taking – something about the object breaking the tension, and serving as a nice distraction. The gold (or silver!) frame provides a nice distraction while looking elegant the whole time.

As a nice extra touch, send copies of the pictures to each guest with their thank you note – we have both of ours hanging in our living room, we love them!

In these photos, we just used the background of the reception room. It would be possible, of course, to hang a sheet or some other solid backdrop, to make the frame "pop". This would also be a possible activity with a polaroid camera. In general, it was a lot of fun to do and it allowed the guests to get to know each other too as they were waiting for their photo. Some even formed new groups to get their photo taken later! A cheap alternative to the photobooth idea...